A Whole ‘Nother Side

It’s been fun to learn a side of my father that I’ve never known nor encountered before.

My dad can be a really nice guy who has no clue as to how he comes across. He just does not know how to be a dad. It seems as if he has abandoned my sister and I in his pursuit of a new beginning. It’s fascinating.  It used to hurt.  I used to be so devastated and confused.  However, those feelings have subsided.

Instead of continuing to allow myself to be angry and hurt, I have decided to overcome these feelings.  Through the realization of his personality and limitations, I’ve learned and understood a lot more about how we work as parents and children, from the viewpoint of children and adults. I’ve learned more through the things I have experienced through his choices than I would have through any other background.  I’m extremely grateful.

“Bad guys” are not always as bad as we perceive them to be.  Nor are “nice guys” as nice as we perceive them to be.  I absolutely love to hang out with both “bad guys” and “nice guys.”  The fascination of it all is just amazing.

For many years, because of my dad’s treatment toward me, I perceived him to be a “bad guy.”  He totally freaked me out.  I was terrified of him – of what he had done and could do, what he said and could say.  I was continually let down when he didn’t show me that he truly cared about me when I needed him in ways that supposedly typical dads would do in the effort to show that they cared.

I’m very grateful for these past few months.  I’ve been able to get to know him on a whole different level.  He now sees me as an adult.  I’m certain I will always have the status as a female (thankfully the status is continuing to improve in his eyes).  However, he no longer sees me as his daughter.  Ironically, this is wonderful.

My dad is not a “bad guy.”  He’s just a guy who can’t see past his own nose.  He cares, but he cares more about himself, and about what he percieves is right, than anyone else.  It’s not good.  It’s not bad.  It just is.

It’s been fun to learn his successes, his struggles, his triumphs.  It’s nice to get to know him on a whole different level.  I will never be family to him as society – and I – understand family to be, but I will always refer to him as my dad.  I will continue to enjoy the journey of getting to learn a whole different side of him than I had ever known or seen before.

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