A Roller-Coaster Ride to Life

My life has been a roller coaster ride.  Especially during this past year.  Excitement up to wazoo, disappointment leading to bummer-filled lows.  Exciting leads yielding hope and excitement ending in false leads and false hopes.  You’d think I was bi-polar, but that has been ruled-out.

I was absolutely freaked out with the last hoped-for job.  Absolutely 100% freaked out.  I was terrified that I would once again land in an extremely messed-up, freaky-as-all-get-out, absolutely insane-making job that would lead – this time – to a lost license or something that would completely devastate me and seriously jeopardize my career.  I’ve already had enough.  Enough to break anyone.  I was super freaked that it would happen again – only this time worse than ever before experienced.  I was terrified.  Absolutely. 100%. Terrified.  

I thank God and all God’s angels that this did not happen.  I was spared.  And – for now – all is well.  

Sometimes, just when we think we’ll break, or when we think there is absolutely no hope, we are rescued.  I was reassured of this time and time again throughout these past 6 months, during my interview with MDC, and over and over last Thursday when I thought I was going absolutely insane.  I thought I had been broken.  Thank goodness it was short-lived.

I think Daigle and Derek are the only ones who truly understands and appreciates all the mayhem I have been through and have overcome.  So many just don’t understand.  They don’t understand how it’s possible for someone to have so many bad experiences.  They think it’s my fault that I get into crazy situations where they think I should just make the best of it.  

They have never been exposed to the ridiculousness I have been exposed to and just do not understand it.  They also don’t have my personality where I care.  I care about how good of a job I do, how well I do, what the outcome is in my life and that of the life of the organization I am working for.  I like things done well – both of me and of others.  I like others and myself to be treated with high standards – both us as workers as well as the customers who seek services.  I also deeply value being treated with respect and dignity.  Not too many people understand this here in the U.S.  

Our culture is that we should perform under any circumstances whatsoever no questions asked.  I just don’t operate this way.  I have too high of ethics, too high of standards, care way too much for my own good, and have just not been raised to be able to comprehend that sort of mindset.  Why can’t we just treat everyone with support, dignity and respect?  Why can’t an organization operate to its highest potential by treating employees with respect and dignity aiding to the employee’s wellbeing which only aids in the creation of a healthy well-being of the company?  We’re so into the immediate bottom line that we don’t think of the strong benefits of looking – and planning – long-term rather than for the short-term.  

In the workplace, we kill each other to get up to the top – literally and figuratively.  This is driven by the mindset of the company we work for.  I believe this mindset is what is killing us slowly but surely.  We, as Americans are ill with depression, anxiety, cancer, diabetes, musculo-skeletal problems, heart issues, and more because we are working ourselves to death to perform.  We work until we break then we are left to rot and die with no medical benefits to keep us alive and well.  We are eaten up then spit out.

An excellent speech was given by a four-star general – or so I recall.  He said there are always bullies wherever we go.  He suggested to be able to stand our ground and punch them in the nose if need be – just like you would a shark in shark-infested waters.  He also encouraged his listeners to never give up and do whatever you need to do to survive – even if it means to sing when you are told not to.  I absolutely love this.

However, sometimes this is just impossible.  Sometimes the enemy just plain wins.  At the same time, I have learned to never give up.  I have learned to face the music, learn from it, and get back up to get knocked down yet again so I can learn.  Either that or knock them down with integrity and decency after I get back up – yet one more time.  I’ve learned to make the best of it while never, ever giving up.

My body has taken a beating from all this mayhem called life.  However, I have not yet given up – nor do I plan to.  The only thing I do not think I could do is to die a slow, painful death from cancer, MS, or rheumatoid arthritis.  But, knowing me, I’d likely be able to do this too.  

And so, I refuse to be broken.  I aim to overcome, over-achieve, and to keep on going and to fight this mayhem called life one step at a time.  I’ll learn to stand my ground and bonk the opposer in the nose.  I will not succumb to ridiculousness.

Thus, I will look toward the next job – a hoped-for wonderful job – with excitement and anticipation of good things to come.  I will try to not be too excited, too hopeful, or too crazy as I begin this next new job.  I will learn what I need to learn to excel and over-achieve in ways that work.  I will continue to be determined to believe that – finally – all this mayhem is over — and over for good.  Never to be experienced ever again.

God is good.  So is sheer determination, will-power, and whatever-else is needed to fight this mayhem called life. 

May you never, ever experience what I’ve experienced.  May you never, ever be able to comprehend this mayhem I’ve experienced in the craziness of my life.

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