Fear and Google Searches

These past two weeks have been fascinating.  I have experienced every emotion possible – to the extreme.

I have been through intensely scary scenarios – some that would make people literally insane.  However, the other day I was more afraid than I had ever been in my life.  And intensely angry at the same time.  Why me?  Why fucking me?  I have had enough.  Apparently I am here on earth to solve problems and be an ally to other people to the detriment of myself.  No fun.  Absolutely no fun at all.

I was in a training where an individual became my partner.  Why him of all people?  Apparently fate had its attraction and I was caught in the web.

At first I saw him as an everyday person.  Next, I was concerned for him.  He appeared to be traumatized.  Then, as the day went on, it became creepier and creepier.  As the day ended, I was completely, 100% terrified.  Absolutely terrified.  Another time in my life I had become freaked out of my mind – which created the inability to sleep from then on.  However, this one topped even that.  I never knew that could be possible.  Apparently I was wrong.

He self-proclaimed himself to be a sociopath.  He took on 4 different identities – if not more – during the course of the training.  Two of which were some strange name that seemed ??Russian??  I had never heard any other name before – and two were incredibly different from the other yet seemed to be related to the same nationality.

We had an exercise where we complained into each other’s ear.  He had this creepy as-all-get-out grin on his face as I was complaining into his ear and had a victim-mentality as he complained into my ear.  Both heightened my fear enough to make me to express my fear to a co-officiator of the two-week training, but that wasn’t even the end of the story.  Things became scarier and scarier and when he self-proclaimed himself to be a sociopath, I was absolutely, completely freaked out.

I never bite my nails, but I did that day.  My voice was loud, my speech rapid, my eyes huge… I was completely freaked.

Because I wasn’t getting any answers and strongly felt the need to act, I called an authority.  While I was on the phone, a foreign man was pacing, talking on the phone.  I didn’t think anything at the time, but now it makes me wonder even more.  I am not concerned whether or not it is correlated.  However, my fear appears to be more legit and more significant than I had initially thought.

I made the mistake of doing a quick google search.  Not recommended.  I have no idea who or what he is.  I am fascinated to know.  But Google has no answers unless you know what you are doing.  Thus, I will rely on other professionals.

Thankfully I am surrounded by a prayer team and a requested prayer of protection definitely worked.

I really hope that, if he is guilty in a way that he seems to be – and proclaims to be, that he will be discovered.  In the meantime, I am grateful that I will be safe – and that I feel safe.

I am very grateful to be in DuPont.  I will miss it when I move.  However, I am sure I will be protected there just as I am here.

Everyone here in DuPont are just plain wonderful.  As Wade says, “We got your back.”  I’ve heard that may times this week – and it is exactly what I’ve needed.

All I can say is that I am absolutely 100% surrounded by angels – human and those unseen.

I am grateful.


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