These past four weeks or so have been phenomenally healing and revealing. I am incredibly grateful.
The first two weeks of training brought severe emotions ranging from extreme high to extreme low. I was supremely excited for a new job opportunity. I met a self-proclaimed sociopath who seemed incredibly scarier than what he claimed to be. It was apparent that we were going to be untrained and understaffed for our new job. I had a run-in with a co-worker who negated my leadership and would’ve resulted in a dangerous situation should it have been a real scenario. There has also been minor, subversive abusive behaviors going on that was scary to observe.
However, I was able to re-adjust my hyper-reactivity and was able to ignore the ridiculousness. It will all be adjusted. Those who are in charge of the organization are paying attention. They will bring everything under control in its own time. The organization is phenomenal. The two involved in subversively abusive techniques are new and have to learn a new way of doing things. The world of the new employer is quite different than most out there. The people engaged in mayhem are likely used to abusive behaviors in the workplace. It’s just time to learn a new method. I’m excited for them to learn positive interactions with their employees that are different from the norm.
This past week and a half has been extremely exhausting. It took from Tuesday morning until tonight to feel fully rested. It seems that this past month minus one week has been an eternity. A new job, moving, being re-acquainted with my dad – a totally new and different person than I have ever encountered before, and continuing the process of recouping from extreme workplace violence along with an experience with a horrific professor have resulted in pure exhaustion with a whole ton of healing. I don’t know how much more stress an individual can handle.
The irony of the whole thing is that different people react differently to different scenarios. In addition, through healing and applying a different lens, a person can respond totally different than another. Verbal abuse to one person is a bunch of hot air to another. Subversively abusive techniques can be perceived as horrific to one person yet ridiculousness to another. Everything is a matter of perspective.
I’ve worked hard and long on healing and it strongly appears that it is paying off. I’m continuing to work on healing through random, extreme alternative methods – and a whole lot of unconventional prayer. It is barely fathomable to me just how far I’ve come since March 3, 2014 and back to January 1998, maybe January 1997 – whenever my sister’s husband came into the picture then after my mother’s death in July 1998. Learning life’s lessons that are more extreme than the lifetimes of ten100 year olds – well maybe 5, not sure – is enough to break anyone. I’m ready for health, wealth, and happiness. The anticipation of this has resulted in intensely high emotions the first two and a half days of employment with my new job.
I’m incredibly excited for this new employer. In addition, the team I am directly working with are just plain wonderful. The co-RN I am working with is fun to watch in action as he’s quite studious and appears to be excellent at what he is accomplishing. It’ll be fun to see how things progress as time goes on. The aids – for lack of a better word – are all wonderful. It’ll be fun to see how everyone learn and grow as hardly any of us are experienced in the capacity of our jobs. Most of us have personal, emotional, and mental challenges to overcome as well.
In addition, I can’t ask for a better living situation. I get to walk to work, I get to sleep (as I hardly hear a thing from outside sources and the room is intensely dark), and I get to have a wonderful apartment. In addition, I get to hang out in a “coffee shop” with Pandora playing as I read library books to prepare for work and type this entry. Life is good.
Furthermore, two different days this past week and a half (on top of a day we spent together about a month ago or so), I have been able to spend time with my dad who I barely knew growing up and am beginning to know in a whole different light. I’ve been able to tell him exactly how I feel about controversial matters related to his religion and how I’ve perceived his actions. He actually listened to me – even though he told me “that’s naughty” and that I was incorrect in my perceptions because I had different viewpoints than he had. He didn’t appear to hold a grudge. I was extremely happy that I, too, did not react, hold a grudge, feel afraid, or anything else I’ve experienced up until this winter. The realization of my severe response to verbal “stuff” has been incredibly healing and strengthening.
Some people just have no idea how they come across, how people perceive their words and actions – including myself. This is why I am so very, very glad I do not have children, that I have adopted my dad’s listening ear toward the goal of positive change/learning, I have adopted my mother’s caring and nurturing traits, that I learn from positive and negative life experiences, and the wonderfulness of being able to apply what I’ve learned throughout my educational and professional careers.
All I can say is that God, the Universe – and all its goodness, and God’s angels are so very, very wonderful. So is the benefit of recognizing – and experiencing – the fruits of all the hard work I have done these past 17 years and especially these past 7 months. Absolutely wonderful. Absolutely amazing.