2014: Hell Riddled with Questions, Ended With Answers

Holy shit was this year tough.  Incredibly difficult.  A year of sheer terror.  A year where I experienced a bit of hell on earth – literally.

2014 started with the realization that I was experiencing incredible workplace violence.  However, I realized the full dynamics of what was going on in the local office, the root cause of the problem source, how I was reacting to the violence, the source of my angst, and discovered steps to overcome my reactions to the abuse and mayhem.  But, the violence only got worse.  And worse.  And didn’t stop.  I’m hoping they’ve now stopped tapping into my phone and computer, but I really don’t care.  That blasted NSA.  But, whatever.  It must be a fun bit of entertainment.  Like Facebook, only getting into people’s filing cabinets, bedrooms, bathrooms, and connecting up with friends and family to uncover random useless and useful facts and tidbits all in one through the source of spying electronically.

But, what frustrated me about the whole thing is that my body reacted to intentional verbal abuse.  Words and actions are only as effective as you let them.  The intentional abuse from the corporate office was quite effective.  To the point of my body shutting down.  Someone “from the other side” called my name until my body revived itself.  It’s a really strange feeling when you feel your heart and organs ready to give out then be pulled back to life again via a ghost.  However, that experience started a whole ton of why questions.  A ton of why questions that yielded a ton of angst, healing, and answers through a ton of hard work, research, exploration, and screaming internally at God and whomever/whatever as my mind and body did its own thing for the entire year of 2014 increasing in intensity until it climaxed and was released New Year’s Eve – a complete answer to prayer.

In the midst of going through inner turmoil along with the aftermath of mayhem of a horrific work experience ending, I learned through family dialogue and engagement that my family suffers from narcissism.  It was also 100% verified that my dad truly engages in abusive behaviors.  It’s all non-intentional, but it’s there just the same.  My family who engages in narcissism does care, but only about themselves and through the lens of their own perception.  I’ve known this for years and years, but apparently it didn’t sink in until this year of sheer hell.  I re-learned that I can still choose to be around them, and that my dad’s shit is just that – his shit.  I also know that I can be in control of how much I handle and when.  Some of my family members are well-meaning, well-intentioned people.  But, they’re clueless.  And that’s okay.  That’s what family is for – to learn and grow from.  And, through them, I can help others.  And, that’s the point of my life.

However, not only did I experience the hell of how, what, when, why questions revolving around abuse, the hell of healing emotionally through re-experiencing shit while undergoing the recovery process post-surgery, but I also experienced what it’s like to live in a demon-possessed body and apartment.  it’s fucked up.  Let me tell you.  Intruders are one thing, but demon possession – within and without – is not to be laughed at.

We as Christians believe in God, the devil, angels – good and bad, the afterlife, but we poo-poo the idea of actually experiencing the paranormal.  That is the worst mistake anyone could ever make.  It is incredibly damaging to you, to the person experiencing whatever they are experiencing, and more.  Not believing in psychics, paranormal, and all that goes along with all that is just plain naive, stupid, and dangerous.

Just like everything else out there, there are frauds.  There are myriads of people who don’t know what they are doing, people who are over-confident in their perceived abilities, and more.  It is human nature to capitalize on income potential amidst skepticism.  But, those who are legit are truly legit.

Those who truly experience ghosts, demons, paranormal, whatever… truly go through hell.  Some might co-suffer from mental illness as the result of demon possession (including, but not limited to, depression, anxiety, and/or schizophrenia).  Others are just plain gifted.  and those who co-suffer from mental illness just might be solely suffering from untreated demon possession.  But, to be “gifted” in the ability to be able to see, experience, and/or understand the paranormal is a gift that no one in their right mind should ever want.

“That’s really cool” to one person can be sheer hell to the person experiencing it.  Especially if that person is from the Western cultural mindset.  Because with the Western mindset, they believe that all of that is just plain ridiculous.  But, those with that mindset are the ridiculous ones.  Just ask the majority of humans out there – the ones who aren’t talking because they’re too afraid.

Fear is so stupidly insane.  It provokes insanity on so many levels.

So, throughout the sheer hellish year of 2014, not only did I realize that I am gifted in the ability to see ghosts, hear ghosts say my name, hear the paranormal make noise, be tormented by demons internally and externally, learn to assist others to cross the other side, but I learned that I’m an empath.

Now, let me tell you, what I deemed as “the Jesus complex” is another “gift” of sheer hell.  I had just come to the realization that I was not needing to feel guilt and shame with regards to any form of employment mayhem.  I had come to fully own that the words and actions that I had experienced by the workplace that ended in the spring of 2014 were just that – abuse that I need not own nor validate.  And so, not only did I have to go through a recovery period from trauma, but I also came to the realization that I was experiencing the emotions of “the collective angst.”  Feeling the feelings of others is horrifically maddening.  Having my own emotions laden down by years of experiences of sheer terror, horror and abuse is tough enough let alone to feel “the collective angst,” persistent ‘itching’ of a friend, or emotions of a passerby.

I went through a huge grieving process.  Why me?  Why the fuck me?  I was angry.  Am I going insane?  I am 100%, completely willing to own it if it indeed is mental insanity that I’m experiencing.  I’m willing to do whatever to overcome it or accept it as it is.  However, in my quest, a quest laden with sheer anguish, I learned that all my experiences that portrayed itself as “mental illness,” physical illness, and “employment issues” was not at all related to insanity.  It truly, 100% isn’t.  I am not mentally insane.  Nor am I physically sick.  What a relief.  In yet, what a huge, fucked-up burden.  In yet, with all of what has been identified up to now, I am still not fully aware of all that I’m “gifted” with.

I’m grateful I am not alone in obtaining these “gifts.”  People who are gifted with the sorts of things I am are being used in amazing ways throughout the military, police force, government, helping professions, and more.  As I learn the tools I need to implement, I get to join these people in doing work that is helping free others of pain and suffering.  I get to be and make a huge difference in the world.  I finally get to be myself and use the talents I have been given.  Thank God there is a reason for the incredible suffering I have gone through in the process of realizing my gift.  This is why I share.

If you are gifted, or if someone you know is gifted, please seek out help from someone who understands these arenas.  Idiots are idiots for a reason.  Those who poo-poo the paranormal, the psychics who know what they are doing, shamans, empaths, Reiki healers, and more, are idiots plain and simple.  I pray to God they never experience what gifted people experience but I also pray to God they don’t continue to create mayhem in negating what is truly out there.  In this case, ignorance is bliss until you experience it and don’t know what the hell you are experiencing and have no one to explain it to you.  And, if you intentionally – or unintentionally – create hell by poo-pooing sheer hell experienced by others, I pray to God you “come to Jesus” before you experience hell from the hell you create.

Fear is the work of the devil.  Plain and simple.  It binds, prevents healing, prevents awareness – which is the entire point of shutting your eyes, ears, hearts, beliefs, thought processes to the idea of the paranormal, of things you don’t understand.

I’m new to this whole thing, but everyday people – including 100% born-again, church-going Christians of every denomination – can be plagued with dark forces (including demons), ghosts, paranormal phenomenon just as much as 100% Athiests and Agnostics.  Just because you don’t want something to happen, doesn’t mean it’s not there.  Rose colored glasses can work quite well sometimes.  So can sunglasses blind a person in a dark room.

Some psychiatrists “get it,” many don’t.  Psychiatry and mental health is new medicine in yet we take it to be gospel truth.  The Western mindset is just now starting to open their willingness to explore and consider the idea of a world related to electricity, paranormal, thought patterns, and more.  Thus, Western medicine is just as slow to wake up to what the world has known for millions of years before.  I’m really grateful for what appears to be a relatively new movement that I have recently become aware of.

And so, here’s to an enlightened/enlightening me.  A new beginning.  A beginning toward healing and triumph in new and different ways.  A beginning toward truly being and making a difference.  This year and the years to come are going to be wonderfully amazing.

May you find light, peace, health, beauty, goodness, renewal and truth – but not through experiencing hell as I have…  Thus I share so that you might have life, health, and freedom from angst and worry that may or may not be directly linked to you…

I am so very grateful that there are people out there who know, understand, care, and can help.

All I can say, is throughout this year full of sheer hellish torture, torment, suffering, anguish, angst, questions, hurt, wonder… God, The Universe, and all those surrounding light and goodness are so very, very good…

I am grateful.

My prayers in my quest for complete healing from 40 years of hell that then culminated into a full year of sheer and utter hell that only intensified then calmed and intensified some more, was fulfilled New Years Eve 2014.

Here’s to a re-birth, renewal, and yet another new beginning.  May there be continued abundant blessings towards peace, light, love, joy, health, wealth, prosperity, and happiness from now and forever amen… what a beautiful, anticipatory concept.

I am determined to believe with certainty that God – and all that is good throughout this vast, unknown-yet-beginning-to-be-known, beautiful Universe – are so very, very good.  I am so very, very grateful.

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